‘… any man can decide what shall become of him – mentally and spiritually.’ Victor Frankl
Sometimes, when things do not go according to our desires, we find ourselves seduced into seeing ourselves a victim of unjust circumstances, selfish behaviors, the incompetence of others, and bad luck. It manifests itself as a creeping feeling of injustice and a sense that the world is against us … And indeed, it is seductive to be a victim because it absolves us of our responsibilities and justifies our frustration and pain.
I remember many situations where my narrative of other people’s failings would enable my narrative as a victim. It is a comfortable narrative. Last year, for example, I had a bad situation with a taxi company who I felt had thoroughly let me down. When things went from bad to worse it got to a point where I shouted at the manager in a very bad manner. In the end, shouting at the man was a limiting and disempowering reaction because it did not honor the freedom I had to choose my own response to the situation. Such situations happen every day, offering us the opportunity to be in perpetual anger with the world around us… Every such situation provides a choice to us … a choice to respond rather than to react.
Here is a more positive example: When I recently facilitated some workshops, the venue arrangements did not go according to plan and we had to use an unsuitable room for a large number of participants alongside other major challenges. Following an initial emotional reaction and frustration I was able to respond to the situation and focus on making best use of what we had. I could free up my energy for the work I had to do.
These are small, everyday situations which add up to how we experience our days and ultimately our life as a whole. There are far bigger situations that concern the circumstances of our lives. Some years ago I went through a serious crisis which had to do with factors I did not have control over. I created for myself a huge amount of pain and a very unbalanced mind. When I started to shift myself into choosing a response to the situation and seeing the positive things the situation offered, it was liberating. It was ultimately about accepting the circumstances I could not influence and making the very best of them, even if only in how I felt about them. I returned the power back to myself, restoring my dignity.
In his well-known book ‘Man’s search for meaning’ Victor Frankl, a doctor and psychotherapist who survived the German concentration camps during World War II describes the possibility that humans have to respond to even the most inhumane and gruesome conditions. By choosing a meaning to their suffering, they preserve their dignity and create an inner purpose for their endurance. “The experience of camp life shows that man does have a choice of action. There were enough examples, often of heroic nature, which proved that apathy could be overcome, irritability suppressed. Man can preserve a vestige of spiritual freedom, of independence of mind, even in such terrible conditions of psychic and physical stress. (…)And there were always choices to make. Every day, every hour, offered the opportunity to make a decision, a decision which determined whether you would or would not submit to those powers which threatened to rob you of your very self, your inner freedom; (…).” (Frankl, 2006, P. 65/66)
So what has all this to do with leadership? As leaders, every day, we have the opportunity to choose our response to situations that arise, whether it is unwelcome feedback, a budget cut, poor connectivity during an interview, having a headache during a meeting, a colleague not meeting our expectations or a crisis. How we respond affects not only ourselves but our teams and many other colleagues we are working with. When we choose a response, we exercise leadership within ourselves, we are leaders to ourselves and we model human dignity for people around us.
Reference: Frankl, E.V., (2006). Man’s Search for Meaning, Boston, MA: Beacon Press