“A feather is as delicate thing when removed from a bird yet it carries the bird anywhere in the world” Sudanese proverb
We as human beings like to take ourselves very seriously. We get defensive when we feel the image we hold of ourselves is under threat or when things move outside our control. We protect ourselves against intrusions that may erode this image and the opinions of ourselves we have acquired. When we do this as leaders we may stop listening to others and create tension and frustration around us.
There are two parts in us: One part of ourselves wants to be taken seriously, wants to be recognized, be competitive, be taken note of, appear in the best possible way to others and get what it wants. The other part of ourselves does not care about what other people think, is generous, trusting and compassionate, can step back from what we want for ourselves and is free of struggle for success and attention.
The first part of us can be called the ‘calculating self’. It is “concerned for its survival in a world of scarcity”: This part of us is the continuation of a set of ‘survival’ behaviors we acquire during childhood. During childhood we constantly learn what we need to do to be accepted, to control our position and to find a safe niche in our family and community. The personality we get recognition for during childhood becomes what we later, as adults, think ourselves to be. (Zander, 2002, p.81)
As we try to control things around us to protect this image and to strive for success, we may become hard against others and alienate people around us, going into a downward spiral out of which we try to climb back up, getting into a vicious cycle.
What do to? By lightening up we can access our ‘central self’, the part of ourselves that is generous and free of concerns of being accepted. When we remind ourselves to lighten up and to stop taking ourselves too seriously, we feel lighter and more open to others, the atmosphere around us changes and relationships become more collegial and collaborative. There is nothing more liberating than laughing about ourselves!
I remember in 2009 I had such a moment. One evening in the boiling heat of Accra I was sitting at the dining table reflecting about myself and the issues I had gotten myself into over the years, causing myself pain in a repetitive fashion. I suddenly realised how comical I was. I laughed for hours about myself – tears running all over my face. It was one of the most liberating moments in my life. After that many things started to change.
Do not take yourself too seriously. When we follow this “…we are instantly transported into a remarkable universe. This new universe is cooperative in nature …. Angels can fly there, because, as you may have heard, they take themselves lightly.” (Zander, 2002, p. 97).
References: Zander, B., Stone Zander, R. (2002). The Art of Possibility. New York: Penguin Books