“The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes did not have tears” African proverb
For excellence in performance emotional competencies are twice as important as intellect and expertise. Two out of three competencies required by organisations worldwide for its workforce are emotional competencies. (Goleman, 2004, Part 2, P. 31)
For leaders emotional competencies are even more essential. “At the top executive levels, everyone needs cognitive skills, to a certain extent, but being better at them does not make a star leader. Rather, emotional competence makes the crucial difference between mediocre leaders and the best.” (Goleman, 2004, Part 2, P. 34). In a wide ranging study 90% of the success in leadership of star performers was due to emotional intelligence.
Some time ago I attended a course where I witnessed a high amount of emotional intelligence. One of the participants in the course tended to disrupt the learning process by dominating discussion with comments which frustrated the rest of the group. She was also terminally ill and very vulnerable. The two facilitators managed the situation in a graceful and emotionally intelligent way. They were able to tune in emotionally both with the disruptive participant, ensuring she felt honored, and the rest of the participants, ensuring they were able to achieve their learning objectives. In a very subtle way the rest of the group started to support the facilitators in managing the participant with empathy. Some of the emotional skills the facilitators exercised were: Awareness of their own emotions, self – control, self-confidence, understanding others, leveraging diversity and building bonds.
The term ‘emotional intelligence’ was coined by a number of researchers in the area of neuroscience but most famously by Daniel Goleman who wrote the international bestseller ‘Emotional Intelligence’ (Goleman, 2004). It refers to our ability to be aware of our own emotions and those of others, manage emotions in ourselves and others and motivate ourselves. Goleman distinguishes between two sides of emotional intelligence: personal competence and social competence. Personal competence includes self-awareness, self-regulation and motivation. Social competence includes different aspects of empathy as well as social skills such as communication, collaboration, conflict management and creating group synergies. (Goleman, 2004, Part 2, P. 26).
There is a lot we can say about each of these competencies. They help us manage everyday situations in life and at work, from motivating ourselves to improve, to handling conflict in our family and building relationships at work. We typically are better in some than in others. I want to highlight one which significantly impacts on the others: being aware of our own feelings. Being aware of our own feelings allows us to manage ourselves and how we respond to situations and people more effectively. It means being present with ourselves, our needs and the choices we make. It helps us understand how others feel and what they need from us in different situations.
“Self-awareness serves as an inner barometer, gauging whether what we are doing (or are about to do) is indeed, worthwhile. Feelings give the essential reading. If there is a discrepancy between action and value, the result will be uneasiness in the form of guilt or shame, deep doubts or nagging second thoughts, …” (Goleman, 2004, Part 2, P. 58)
Unlike IQ Emotional Intelligence can be learnt. To some extent it develops naturally over our life time. But there are many ways in which we can cultivate it. (Goleman, 2004, Part 2, P. 240). For example, we can ask others for feedback on our behaviours, we can use self-observation to become more aware of our own feelings, we can practice specific emotional competencies and we can create more space for enabling ourselves to reflect, be in touch with ourselves … and watch ourselves in silence.
References: Goleman, D., (2004). Emotional Intelligence (Part 1) and Working with Emotional Intelligence (Part 2), London: Bloomsbury Publishing Plc (Double Edition)