“It’s not about stuff, it’s about state” ― Victoria Castle
Some days the world looks grey and some days it looks bright blue …or so it seems. In reality it depends on how much we allow it to shine or unshine in its own ways and us aligning with that particular shine, as it is.
As those of you regularly reading my blogs know, I like to give examples of stuff going a bit wrong in my life …to illustrate a reflection! Well, here is another such situation:
Earlier this week my world turned dark grey, to give the most favourable description of it. Sometimes these dark greys seem to just drop on us out of the sky. This time it had some forerunners of grey.
A couple of years back I had constant water problems in my apartment, largely created by a hostile caretaker who tends to want to make everybody’s life as difficult as possible whilst pretending everyone else is at fault. With the help of some people and my own inner work in relation to this individual (trying to feel compassion for him for having become such a miserable person), the problem finally disappeared. Two weeks ago it resurfaced all of a sudden. The caretaker cut off my water and I had none for six days. I survived on a few buckets and practiced equanimity which I was able to keep for four days until something inside gave way. I started to feel angry and fed up of bathing with buckets.
So far about the forerunner of grey. Last Friday things then started to shift more unfavourably and I moved into what Victoria Castle calls the ‘Trance of Scarcity’. This Trance she speaks of is an inner state based on stories we create about how things are lacking, how everything is a survival struggle, and how we are left out of the good that other people have who are more sorted out than ourselves.
Being inside that Trance, some issues I am working on started to feel hopeless. Despair and impatience crept in. I felt abandoned by the world, seemingly the only individual on the planet out of grace. As the week started, I had several meetings where one of my long time default habits which I have been balancing over time showed up in a big way. One of these is to be directive and drive a conversation too much. I knew immediately I was doing this (not just a little but far too much) and it made me feel very bad. I ignored it in plain sight and did the same in the next meeting. As coaches we can be unforgiving on ourselves, when we get back into habits we have worked to get out of. It is something many of us feel passionate about. That evening I was busy crucifying myself and even unnecessarily apologized to two of the individuals concerned – another bad habit I have been getting out of. One bad habit followed the other… To summarise the situation, I felt terrible for two days, feeling I had totally lost the plot, until I relaxed and accessed a more resourceful state inside myself, shining in brightish blue colours
People have different ways of explaining these downturns. I believe we get affected by energies around us, old emotional stuff gets triggered, we react (rather than respond) to uncomfortable things happening to us and our thoughts start to frame around scarcities. Different things, sometimes tiny, can set it off and get us off balance. It then seems to become a vortex of low energy which perpetuates unless we consciously step out of it.
Victoria Castle speaks of the ‘Cycle of Abundance ‘and how that creates a flow which aligns and replenishes us with positive energy and enables us to get out of the ‘Trance of Scarcity’ which we so easily get ourselves into. Just to give the headlines here, the ‘Cycle of Abundance’ consists of what she calls aligning, attracting, receiving, gratitude, generosity and giving which all support each other.
The core of it is that we relax and are receptive to what is in front of us, moving out of the urge of wanting the situation to be different: “Do not underestimate how potent relaxation can be! (…) Relaxation fosters focus, precision, fluidity and flawless timing. When I’m relaxed, my psychobiology makes the most efficient use of my blood flow, hormone release, oxygen transfer, and nerve impulses. The Latin word ‘relax’ means ‘to loosen’ (…) Contraction, in contrast, is the perfect breeding ground for scarcity. It keeps us on guard and hunkered down, believing that the more tightly we are wound, the better.” (Castle, 2007, P. 99)
At first I was trying to struggle against the wave of unhelpful grey thoughts, trying to get rid of them and counter them with positive ones. It was a hopeless endeavour, as I felt resentful about the thoughts and was making them an enemy. When I relaxed into my own energy downturn, non-judgementally observing it and accepting that this was the way it was right now, I was able to shift and the energy moved by itself. I then could move more consciously into being more grateful, open, and trusting.
The ability to stay in the ‘Cycle of Abundance’ is a critical competence for self-leadership which will not only affect our own wellbeing but also that of everyone around us and those we work with. No one can ever get us into the ‘Cycle of Abundance’. There is no entry permit, no conditions that need to be met. Only we can make that choice in any moment, releasing contraction in our bodies and minds and aligning with the flow, regardless of what is happening inside and outside.
Reference: Castle, V. (2007). The Trance of Scarcity. Stop holding your breath and start living your life, Berrett-Koehler-Publishers, San Francisco, CA